last entry

this is my last lj entry... this whole thing just seems so unnecessary.. i wish it could be a true journal... i dont want to have to be careful about what i write in this...
  • Current Mood
    blank blank

hope

this morning sucked...mom calls at ten a.m.(three hours after i got to sleep finally) bitching at me... of course.. and i couldnt get back to sleep... so im running on three hours.. still...but on a lighter note.... i finally gotta job.. at chile's....never thought i would be working there... lol... kind of a spur of the moment kind of thing.... dont really know if i really WANNA work there...but its a job and i need it... and if i can find a better one... then ill go to that... lets hope a hot topic will open in chesapeake square finally... i hate hot topic mind you... but its the only place that i can look like i normally do and i dont have to look ridiculous in some blue jeans and a black shirt.... tucked in for whatevers sake! AH! well ill tell you this much... i will strive to be the best damn busser chiles has ever seen! lol.... how prestigueous.... ick... but i dont have to worry about money as much anymore... but i do have to worry about insurance payments and things of the like...and hopefully getting a place of my own... well not of my OWN.... but with friends... but thats all for now i spose... made some new friends... good peoples... and if i hear shit talked about them... goddamnit... i will kill...anyways.... im prolly not going to sleep now... gotta go to the damn dmv in the morning to get my license...
and then i have to get the car fixed/inspected.... blah... i hate ahving shit like that to do...... but i live in america.....
  • Current Music
    watching aqua teen

6 am

havent slept since yesterday.... i hate doing that... woke up at three yesterday.. that could explain it..... im at thomass house at the moment... watching him play phantom crash... i like it... gotta cool robottttt... anyways... prolly going to the mall again today to waste yet even more time... and maybe see what the hell is up with spencers... im losing hope with getting that job honestly... its just not looking good...my cell phone broke the other day.... i can use it now as a pager... ugh.. gotta get another new one... i hate cell phones... thomass parents are gonna think it odd when they come downstairs and the first thing they see is me. lol... so i think i will go to my room in a few... after i do this... hmmmm.. id like to work in the porn industry... lol.. well... not as a pornstar persay... just in a porn shop... i think it would be funn... or maybe ill have to resort to prostitution... cuz im losing hope on this shit... ugh..and there are no porn shops within walking distance... so there goes that idea... and on a non related topic... the person that i was referring to in my previous entry still doesnt know who they are... cuz they are aggravating me... blurg... im gonna go wait for his parents to wake up and leave...
----------------------joshness
  • Current Music
    something from mona lisa

attempting to update

yep...updating lj....everytime i do this it seems more and more....unnecessary....i just dont see much point to keep this thing. but anyways...shits looking up....might be working at spencers soon... got my thing to get my license...stress is suddenly decreasing...and there isnt a whole lot left to put in here...aggravated at someone... and they dont know who they are.... but i do... bleh... youre so fucking confusing... but yeah... im going...










dont care too much about anything anymore.
  • Current Music
    suicide commando

((ellipsis goes here))

Like a tide recedes from rocky shores
I drew back no matter how much you implored
I have failed to see the beauty here
Everything I loved has disappeared


















Silence

I want you to know the thoughts
My mind contains
I want you to feel the rage
Pulse through my veins

I want you to see the anger
In my eyes
I want you to feel fear
For your own life

I want to see the tears
Fill up your eyes
I want to see you beg
And apologize

I want to walk behind you
Without a sound
I want to burn your body
To the ground

CHORUS
Don't let my silence
Bother you
I'm only seething
Don't misconstrue
Silence as safety
As security
There's an explosion
Inside of me

I want you to know the depths
Of my disgust
I want you to learn
The meaningless of trust
I want you to rue the day
That you were born
I want you to feel the fury
Of my storm

I want my silence to keep
You up at night
I want you to know the hatred
You incite
I want you to sit and listen
To me scathe
I want to dance upon your
Sorry grave.
  • Current Music
    assemblage23----"silence""

FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUCK!!!!

well i just learned that i have to be out of the place i am living at by the end of next month.... if anyone knows where i can stay or who i can stay with.... i cant go back home.. just wont happen... so at the moment i am fucked.... and am hopefully going to be working at urban pretty soon... like next week.... hopefully jamie will hire me... lol... but all this is my fault i spose... but yeah.... outness..
-------joshness
  • Current Music
    none

-_-

currently sitting at home... not HOME home... just.... a residence...my domicile is about 2 miles away... sometimes i miss it... sometimes i feel bad for leaving... buuuut its too late now... whatever happens to me thats not good its my fault.... so i deservve no sympathy from anyone... and im tired of bitching... so why do i do it? cuz i spose there is nothing else to talk about... ive fucked up nearly everything in my life thus far.... well... almost everything serious... and there are people now that i wish i had never met... and they arent making my life any better.... i just know one thing... that something is wrong... i am not fine... i wish there wasnt always something wrong... and i wish there was something i could do about it... its just... that way... and it seems like i cant do anything about it...and i dont think there is.... im just depressively ranting...now i need to eat... blah.....
-------------------------------------------joshness
  • Current Music
    vnv nation "genesis"

.

hmmm well i havent updated in a while.. since last time i posted the following things have happened: graduated... went back to that fucking stupid job i was working at last summer.... left home and quit job... now i am living at my friend thomass house..other than that nothing has really been going on... me and thomas bought a tv last night.. or... i did... but hes gonna give me the other half of the money when he gets his check... and i applied at starbucks.. and things are looking good with that.. i never know what to write in these things
------------------------------joshness
  • Current Mood
    bored bored

badtz maru

past few days have been excessively non eventful.... last night spent the night at nicks house... he took me ((tried to take me)) to mcdonalds but they were paving the parking lot... lol.. and the guy in the steam roller tried to hit us... and thennnnnnnnnn school was ok... came home...me and pam and anjle went to macarthur center and i got a badtz maru messenger bag thingy from the hello kitty store!! i got it after i cashed in all my change which was like over 30 dollars... and then afterwards i got some things for some others... ;) annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd came home... the car issue is possibly starting to actually clear up here... and that is good... so ive been alright today... i love this damn bag!!!!!!!! but anyways... i am outness...
-------------------joshness
  • Current Mood
    content content

weekend update with joshness

well this has been quite the uneventful slash eventful weekend... all the drama that has been happening has cleared out WAY quicker than i thought.... me and nick are good and me and brooke are good... we got shit straight and all that yesterday which made both of us excessively happy slash released..everything is fine in all of that area... but there is still the car issue... that is shitty.. but its the same as it HAS been.. so im not going into that.. but other than THAT im doing well.. im hopefully meeting andrea today! we are going to go to fujis and stuff... twill be fun!!!! but her mom is being... not at her house... so.. that complicates things.. so yeah.... ummmm im doing well now... about the only thing giving me gray hairs is the car issue...outness
---------------joshness
  • Current Mood
    relieved relieved